


I Can't Believe You

by Nudebeme



Category: Batman: The Telltale Series (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Romance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 13:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18661033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nudebeme/pseuds/Nudebeme
Summary: A glimpse into the tattered mind of John Doe as he struggles with his feelings for Bruce. His attempt at being a Vigilante failed, now he has nothing left of his life but to stew in Arkham and his memories. The light of his days comes in Bruce's visits, but John thinks he may not deserve even that shred of respite.





	I Can't Believe You

**Author's Note:**

> Written to fulfill a request on Tumblr to see John reject Bruce's visits after some time of self-reflection.

_I can’t believe what I’ve done._ So many hours, days-MONTHS every god damn fucking second of my life that I can remember, I’ve been chasing Bruce’s admiration. Voices that I’ve learned are my own are screaming day and night in my head, accusatory and belittling of everything I’d done that I thought was right. Bruce only wanted me to do the right things, and Bruce, I tried so hard. You have no idea how hard I tried, but I guess I can’t be like you, a hero. I just can’t wrap my head around how you view the world, so meticulous and so god damn righteous…Bruce, do you hide inside that suit like a shell? When I hugged you that night in the haunted house, did I break through it, even for a second? Did you even fucking tell me the TRUTH when I begged you to understand? I guess these questions don’t really mean anything anymore, I think it’s best if we just never speak again.

 _I can’t believe what I’ve done._ I hurt you so badly, Bruce. now that I’ve had time to think about it, in this familiar little cage I’ve been placed in, I realize how bad this is. I look at the bandage on my hand where you drove my knife through, and I reopen the wound. I hurt myself because I HURT YOU, Bruce. The blood I spill on my mattress satisfies my desire to be punished, because it’s become very obvious you don’t think I deserve punishment. Stop coming to visit me. Stop understanding! I don’t want you to understand. I want you to stay the hell away from me and stop showing your beautiful face because _I fucking love you_. I love you and I don’t want to know how you feel. I think I’d rather be dead than hear you say “I understand” one more time, or “I’ll get you out of here.” Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t deserve it, and I’ve told you that. I can’t live with the hope that you might just keep your word.

 _I can’t believe what he’d done._ Despite everything, the screaming fits and the black eye I gave him his last visit, Bruce came back. No amount of money he bribes the doctor will get them to open the door anymore, but he seemed happy just to see me through the tiny slot of my cell door. I begged him, why the hell do you keep coming back? You could have any friend you want, why do you keep showing your face here? He asked to see my hand, I struggled with the idea of reaching out and strangling him, I wanted to. I don’t know why, but it felt like something I had to do. He took my hand and kissed it. My first kiss, Bruce? I was crying before I even had the mind to stop.

"It’s finally happening, John. You’ll be out of here, soon.“

__

 

 


End file.
